


Smart Kid

by orphan_account



Series: Fanfiction Therapy [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Burnout - Freeform, College, Education, Gen, High School, Honestly i kinda hate this one, Suicidal Thoughts, but it's therapudic, here's to all the smart kids who are too tired of the world's bullshit to learn right now, learning, like i think i hate this even more than 'tired', so who gives a fuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-06
Updated: 2020-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:35:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23037184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Logan has learned a lot of lessons in his life. But this most recent lesson might be the one to break him.~Probably part of another human... college... somethin' AU. I dunno. Unedited and Not Thought Out In The Slightest!~
Series: Fanfiction Therapy [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1611379
Comments: 9
Kudos: 20





	Smart Kid

**Author's Note:**

> fuck characterizations just let me be bad at portraying logan for a sec

Even as a young child, Logan had loved school. There was something about it, a draw that he couldn’t quite explain but was there nonetheless. Even after most kids had outgrown their like for school, as toys and naps and storytimes gave way to math and history and reading, Logan still found himself rambling to his parents at the end of the day about all they had done and how he couldn’t wait to return. His mother would just smile endearingly, ruffling his hair as his dad said fondly that they had the best kid around, and Logan would grin in response before jumping into another ramble about what they had learned in math today. 

But then elementary school was behind him, and he was facing the more-serious, less-fun classes in the halls of his local junior high school… or, at least, that’s what his friends told him. However, no matter how much they complained about classes and homework, of teachers and drama, and how school should be illegal… Logan never really understood. What was so boring about learning of how the Roman Empire came to power, or discovering the patterns in math that worked out neatly every time when done right, or seeing in person the way chemicals reacted, and then learning exactly why they did? 

And that was the first lesson Logan learned that didn’t fill him with an unmatched sense of pride and joy. Because friends didn’t like having him disagree, didn’t like having their complaints always met with Logan not understanding, didn’t like being friends with a ‘nerd.’ And once Logan learned that as he stood at his locker, alone for the first time in the year, the laugh of his friends echoing across the courtyard in the group he was no longer invited to join, he realized that not all learning was fun. In fact, some learning left him with an ache in his heart that he didn’t know how to fix, and he didn’t have the resources to solve the problem this time. 

His parents tried to help… or, at least, he thinks they did.... did they? He can’t remember. It was logical to have friends at his age, both as a benefit to mental health as well as helping properly develop his social skills, so he was certain they wouldn’t approve of him not having any. But as the year went by, he found more accelerated classwork taking up his evenings in place of time spent with others, and nobody seemed to say a thing. 

That was the second lesson he was taught that left a sour taste in his mouth, even though it made complete, logical sense. Good grades trumped everything, whether it was sleep, friends, or any extracurricular activity. Good grades meant a good report card, and a good report card meant his mom’s smile. Good grades led to a good GPA, and as he had been told many times, a good GPA led to a good college. 

Logan wanted that, or, at least, had been told he'd wanted that. But who was he to disagree? Because Logan liked school, and Logan liked to learn. 

But then high school came around, and as Logan found out, high school holds too many lessons to keep track of. Unspoken lessons that might’ve been taught once, or not at all, and the rest of the year was an ongoing test that nobody could study for. There were rules of where he could and could not sit at lunch based on the fluctuating popularity and makeup of the popular cliques. There were rules of how many times he could raise his hand in class without snickers of ‘teachers pet’ and ‘smartass’ swarming around him and yet still getting the class credit he so desperately needed. There were rules on the upkeep of his grades, rules on how much time he needed to spend time on class work, rules on how he was ridiculed due to his lack of friends….

For the first time in his life, Logan didn’t like school. Logan certainly liked learning, and he thought that curious streak inside himself would always be with him, but he wasn’t so sure he liked the lessons and rules he was expected to learn and follow in this environment. 

He’d never say that, though. Logan had always loved school. Logan had never gotten anything below an A. Logan was always the teachers’ favorite. Logan always made his parents proud, because he never gave them anything to be disappointed for. 

~~Logan hated school. Logan was pulling all-nighter after all-nighter to barely maintain his 89.8% in math that he had to beg his teacher to round up. Logan was becoming more and more withdrawn in class. Logan wasn’t looking forward to waking up each morning like he used to. But his parents were still happy, and his parents were still proud, and that was all that mattered.~~

And it was fine, really and truly. Because high school wasn’t forever, and as much as Logan absolutely hated every second he sat within the walls of those buildings, he knew there was hope. He just had to make it through this. He just had to get through these four years, and then he would be free in college. He would be able to love learning once again, to pick a career path and degree that he genuinely wanted.

In just four years.

Three years.

Two years.

One. 

Logan was in college, now. And that’s when Logan learned the most terrible lesson of all. 

Because those years of suffering had all been hinging on this moment. Every last tear, every breakdown, every sleepless week spent trying to balance a work and school life, every hair lost over stress had been worked past with the hope that college was right around the corner. And yet…

And yet, everything was worse. The one saving grace, the light at the end of the tunnel, the one thing he had been working towards for his whole life was worse than even the darkest parts of his life, and he didn’t know what to do. 

Every day was spent in a numb sort of agony that didn’t make sense. Every class was spent barely being able to listen to what the professor was saying, meaningless words and worthless concepts only being retained enough to regurgitate back into an essay before forgetting entirely. Every night was spent staring in the mirror while his roommates were asleep, wondering if it would be easier to end it all, or at least attempt to do so and fail, just to get a few weeks rest. Every morning was another realization that he wasn’t happy, that he wasn’t going anywhere, that he was no longer learning what made him smile and be able to rant about for hours, because nothing interesting was profitable. Learning for the sake of learning was childish and irrational, but god, that’s all Logan really wishes he could do. But he can’t. 

Logan didn't know what to do. 

What does anyone do, let alone the kid themselves, when the smart kid realizes that they’re tired of learning? 

**Author's Note:**

> basically, fuck the system. you wanna do college? do it. i'm proud of you. you feel like it's not for you? go for it. whatever you choose doesn't make you 'smarter' or 'stupider,' it just means you have a different preference than some people. you got this. you know you, so you do you.


End file.
